OTO Chapter 74

[Darkness of the Heart]

I was hungry, I lost the sense of direction, and the world was spinning while I was lying down. I understand that both my mind and body are already at their limits.

I started to get used to this darkness and was a little calm, but it gave rise to even deeper despair and I was going crazy again.

In the meantime, when did I start hearing hallucinations?

There is a guy who talks to me from the other side of the darkness.

He talks from various directions. The voice is sometimes close and sometimes far.

At first, I ignored it.

When I thought, I suffocated and it became painful, so I closed my thoughts.

However, gradually I couldn’t ignore the voice.

I listen to the words of the guy in the dark. When I do so, the painful breathing, the terrible hunger, and the feeling of the surrounding darkness disappear.

“However, Kazato sure don’t get tired of it. How long do you intend to do that?”

The guy in the dark knows my name. He calls me Kazato.

This time I heard it from behind, so I managed to move my head somehow and look back.

When I cast my gaze in the darkness, I felt that our eyes met.

“Silence again, huh. I’m glad that you are able to listen to my voice, but I’m just talking one-sidedly here, am I?”

The guy in the dark was amused by my situation and just made fun of me.

I will not answer. I’ll just listen. I thought so, but unnoticedly, I got used to the coming words.

“But it was off the mark with Yoiyami’s treatment, huh. It seems that you won’t change at this rate, after all.”

What is this guy saying? What is this guy in the first place?

I ponder. I thought it was a hallucination, but it was real.

Maybe it is really there?

I crawl toward the voice. I reached out toward the voice, but grabbed empty air. There was no one there.

Of course, there was no sound of someone moving.

In the first place, I can only hear the voice, but I can’t hear the heartbeat or breathing.

As expected, it is an auditory hallucination.

I bury my face on the spot.

“I wonder how long I’ll actually be trapped here.”

The voice resounded again.

“Perhaps you won’t be let out until you die. If Kazato gets stronger and kills more people, it’s synonymous as Yoiyami killing them himself after all. Yoiyami is trying to get rid of you here, you know.”

In that case, it would be better if I didn’t do something like strengthening myself.

“At least say ‘that’s enough’ or something.”

“Shut up.”

I unintentionally spoke out. Damn it! – I thought, but it’s too late.

A laughter resounded from the other side of the darkness. I sighed.

“You finally talked to me. But I won’t shut up~. Talking with a hallucination(me) is not bad, y’know.”

“What are you?”

“You’re joking, right? Kazato, do you not know me?”

“…”

Who are you?

Wait, the other party is a hallucination. What are you thinking about, me?

What am I thinking about?

I don’t have to think about anything. This is a hallucination created by this extreme condition.

“I’m Shion.”

When I tried to close my thoughts, he said so.

“……What?”

“And you are Kamiya Kazato.”

What is this guy talking about?

“I’m your ability, so to speak. The one who always use ability is Shion…in other words, me.”

“…I don’t understand what that means.”

“I’m the other side of you y’know. The one who wears that creepy mask.”

“I’m me, right.”

“Ahh, I’m you, y’know.”

Silence. I didn’t feel like saying anything.

However, he continues.

“Then, Kamiya Kazato. The you now are a burden for me. You understand that, right?”

If it meant that I wasn’t making the most of my ability, that’s right.

However, I don’t have a reason to reply to a hallucination.

“I want to live, I don’t want to die. Everyone is the same in that regards. You sincerely wish for something natural.”

Is there anything else that you want?”

“What kind of thing?”

“Ambition, y’know. Women or money, things like that.”

“I…don’t want such a thing”

“Why is that?”

“Because it’s not what you really need to live.”

“What are you saying? Money, women, and ambitions are necessary, right?

I didn’t want to say this, but you’re weiiird, y’know.”

“Noisy. Even though you’re just a hallucination.”

“Certainly, I may be a hallucination, but the one who creates me is Kazato, right?

In other words, I’m inside you. You have this way of thinking, you know. You’re concealing it.”

“I don’t care about such a thing. Shut up or I’ll crush you to death.”

“That’s irresponsible of you. Even though I’m talking to you because I haven’t been crushed to death now.”

‘In the first place,’ the voice continues. I closed my mouth and waited for the voice.

“We are the front and the back, like two sides of the same coin. But why the weak you are on the front and the strong me on the back?”

“Why did you say that you are the stronger one?”

“Well, because if it’s me, I can throw everything away.”

“Throw away?”

“You’re soft. Too soft.

I know you are trying to have someone protect you during this time. Be aware of it already.”

“What?”

“You don’t have any ally. You neither have a life to cling to nor people to rely on. It’s fun to interact with people? You sure said that kind of things many times. Can you continue to kill people with that kind of thing from now on? Don’t you wanna live? Tell me.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Wrong, huh~.”

Standing up, I glared at the darkness.

I was surprised that I was still able to stand, but more than that, I was angry.

“Shut up, you. Cut it out!

Why do you act so high and mighty?”

There is only silence from the darkness for a while.

“Ahh~, I know, I know. I was in the wrong just now, so don’t get angry, okay? Okay?”

“…”

“But, are you fine staying as you are now?”

“That’s why I’m going to change.”

“Really?”

“……Ahh.”

“Then first, you need a goal. ‘Living’ is too abstract. Try to aim for something that leads to it.”

“For example…?”

“That’s right. For example,”

At this point, his voice was paused once.

For some reason, my consciousness is clear. I waited for his words.

“Right, like, try to be the strongest.”

“That’s not realistic.”

“In any case, if you want to get stronger, why don’t just try to be strongest. In that case… there will be no one who can kill you.

But this is certainly not realistic.”

‘Hahaha,’ Laughter resounded.

“Is there nothing else? Or rather, if you said you’re a part of me that I concealed, won’t you know about such a thing too?”

“There is one, but this one is not realistic.”

“……what is it?”

“Do you want to hear it?”

“Ahh.”

“I want to be a hero. You are.”

“…………I see.”

Rin also said that, right… That’s my childhood dream.

Contrary to my thoughts, I felt that my heart was deeply struck. He who was in the dark must have noticed it.

“Un. Well, it is not possible anymore, so you had to have other goal, right?”

He said so in a light tone.

“…It doesn’t make sense to set a goal if you don’t feel like achieving it, right.”

“Have some motivation.”

It’s not something you can have just by saying so though.

“Impossible. If you say so, then you should do it.”

“What? Should I?”

“…………”

“But if you pull me out to the front, the weak you will be crushed. Are you fine with that?”

“I…don’t want that…”

“That’s right. In short, you just said whatever you want to say, right. Let’s think about the current state of things.”

“Current state of things?”

“Right. In a nutshell, which one of use that is not needed? That kind of talk. So, the one who wasn’t needed now is you, Kazato.

However, it is inconvenient for me if you disappear, so in the end you have to change, y’know.”

“…How simple. In the first place, if one of us was not needed, even if I change, there won’t be any meaning to it, right?”

“If you change, I’ll disappear. I’m fine with that. Because that’s the barrier between you and me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You should be, right. Moreover, you’re a softie who can’t change by himself after all. That’s why, I’ll give you another option.”

“…Tell me.”

“Coexistence…is not it, but isn’t it okay to try to mix temporarily.

Over time, I will settle down, you will change and the barrier will disappear. ”

“Don’t say it in such a strange manner. Say it in an easy-to-understand manner. I don’t have power to think about it anymore.”

“Yes, yes. In short, I’ll help you with your changes. Like a first aid.”

“I see.”

Is it okay for me to accept this guy?

This incomprehensible darkness.

I kneel down and look at both of my hands.

I can’t see anything.

But I know that my hands are trembling.

“Shion, huh?”

“It’s a really stylish name, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, if compared to ‘Kazato’.”

“You sure say something interesting.”

A dry laughter resounded. Did he really find it interesting?

I close my eyes and entrust my body to the floor. I know that I lost my physical strength at once.

What are you doing trusting a hallucination, me?

“Then, I’ll leave the rest to you. For a while, that is.”

It was silence that came back.

Inside my vague consciousness, I waited for a reply.

“Let’s live while shouldering karma, me.”

“Ahh.”

Then I let go of my consciousness.

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Oh nooo, Shion surrendering himself to darkness(temporarily?)

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